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[Chorus] In the be-gin-ning, God cre-a-ted lots of whole-some foods to eat. They were ex-cee-ding good, Were good to eat, Whole-some for peo-ple to eat. [Spoken] And the Lord said: [Chorus] "I'-va gi-vin' you corn, sweet corn, So that you can look good as you were born. Be heal-thy with wheat to eat, En-er-gize those dan-cin' feet. You've got bar-ley, mil-let, oats and rice, You will live for-e-ver loo-kin' nice; Eat your corn, sweet corn, You'll be hap-py you were born." [Devil: Evil laugh] "Just li-sten to the likes of you, It's time to give the de-vil his due. Grain is whole-some, O-K, Let's try it my way." [Chorus] So the de-vil took some wheat, And in a-bout an hour, Washed a-way the nu-tri-ents, And ground it in-to flour. He ad-ded yeast and wa-ter, And baked it in-to bread; The peo-ple ate and ate, And now have pounds to shed. "You ain't seen no-thin' yet", Said the de-vil with a sneer; He took the Lord's good grain, And brewed it in-to beer. Now there's drunks in the gut-ters With crumbs on their face, And the size of their bel-lies Is an ut-ter dis-grace. [Recitative] "Oh, Lord!" said the Lord, "No, that's not right." "Oh, man!", said the Lord, "What are they do-ing with the won-der-ful food I gave them?" [Chorus: God] "So the de-vil mis-used my grain, With veg'-ta-bles I will try a-gain; Fresh, whole-some and tas-ty greens, Car-rots, broc-co-li and beans. You can have a sa-lad e-v'ry day, Help to melt those ex-tra pounds a-way; Eat my beets and peas and egg-plant and my ra-di-shes and yams, Shed those ex-tra ki-lo-grams. [Devil: Evil laugh] I squeeze the corn and su-gar beets, [Chorus] Ha-Ha! For oil and su-gar sweets, [Chorus] He-He! And make a grea-sy dres-sing for His sa-lad. [Chorus] Har-Har! [Chorus] His po-ta-toes get deep fried, With glazed do-nuts on the side, So we think His claims of health food are in-va-lid. Ho-ho-ho-ho! Pan-cakes soaked in sy-rup, A batch of fudge we'll stir up, Your lea-fy greens dried on a rack, Oh, Now we've got to-bac-co. And di-a-be-tes, And o-be-si-ty, Mas-sive heart at-tacks, And A.-D.-D. [Devil] I go-tcha! [Spoken] And the Lord said: [God, spoken] Rats!! [Chorus] Now the score is: De-vil two, God ze-ro. What a shame. Things are not loo-king good, For the home team. It's not good for the home team. [Recititive] We won't e-ven tell you what God said When he found man was ea-ting His a-ni-mals. And the de-vil said: "If God di-dn't want man his a-ni-mals to eat, Why did he make them taste like meat?" [Spoken] And the Lord said: [Chorus] I will bless you with ex-er-cise, It will help you to trim those hips and thighs. Get off you butt, play some sports, In brand name snea-kers, shirts and shorts. [Spoken] And the de-vil said: Re-lax, re-lax. [Sung] Here's ca-ble T-V, [men] and D-V-D, And sau-sage piz-za de-li-ve-ry. Here's a re-mote, don't bend a knee, Just take it ea-sy. [Narrator (women)] And peo-ple were dy-ing left and right, In-deed, it was no joke; Dy-ing of a-the-ro-scle-ro-sis, Lung can-cer and stroke. And God said: [God] Mo-dern me-di-cine will cure the bugs, Or-gan trans-plants, won-der drugs; And my heart by-pass sur-ge-ry shows, We can bring this to a close... [Devil] Let me give you H-M-Os! [All] Rats! |