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George W. Bush: My poll num-bers are slip-ping fast and things are loo-king grim, To di-vert pu-blic at-ten-tion, I need a no-ther win; When we con-quer o-ther coun-tries, I seem to have it made; So that's why I de-ci-ded that we must in-vade Ca-na-da! Ca-na-da, O, Ca-na-da,* those tree hug-gers up north; Ca-na-da, I can't sta-n'i-ta, Our troops will sal-ly forth. Ca-na-da, O, Ca-na-da, I rise at your de-feat; Ne-ver trust a coun-try with more trees than con-crete. [Bush, Spoken] So Rummy, What does Defense think of my idea? Donald Rumsfeld: We woul-dn't need that ma-ny tanks, less than an ar-my group; We could con-quer them in fif-teen days with just a Boy Scout troop. They whip our butts in hoc-key, but on the bat-tle-field, Some trace their lines back to the French, It's in their genes to yield. [Bush, Spoken] Condi, what does State have to say about this? Condi Rice: Eu-rope woul-dn't mind a bit, there's no-thing they would say. They most-ly think that Ca-n-da be-longs to us, a-ny-way. But to be safe let's form a co-a-li-tion of the wil-ling, Then take their arc-tic lands and form a co-a-li-tion of the dril-ling. All sing: Ca-na-da, O, Ca-na-da, you tun-dra dwel-ling fools, Ca-na-da, we de-ma-n'-ta that you play by our rules. Ca-na-da, O Ca-na-da, you think in-de-pen-dant-ly. And that's the big-gest threat to our form of de-mo-cra-cy. [Bush, Spoken] So I'd like the input of the CIA. Porter Goss: It's bril-iant, sir, in fact we have con-clu-ded thru de-duc-tion, Those i-gloos up in Ca-na-da are wea-pons of ice de-struc-tion. They've been much, much too qui-et, they seem way way too calm. Our fool-proof in-tel-li-gence says that they must have the bomb. [Bush, Spoken] Dick, you wanna weigh in on this? Dick Cheney: Ca-na-di-ans would flock to us, why, we'd be their sal-va-tion; We'd add bil-lions of ac-res to my un-dis-closed lo-ca-tions. Let's bomb those nor-thern li-be-rals just so we can be cer-tain, And then re-build the land gi-ving it all to Hal-li-bur-ton. All sing: Ca-na-da, O, Ca-na-da, we hate to start this war. You are close and weak, be-sides, what are al-lies for? Ca-na-da, O, Ca-na-da, for-give us for our worst. It's no-thing per-so-nal, dear friends, but po-li-tics comes first. Ca-na-da, O, Ca-na-da, your coun-try we must ban, Be cause you're ea-si-er to beat than North Ko-re-a or I-ran. ------ * Note that when "O Canada" appears in the lyrics, the melody for the rest of the the line is the beginning of the Canadian National Anthem. My apologies to Canada. |