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I know all I need to know 'bout Brad and Jen, An-ge-li-na Jo-lie and all her men; Tom loves Ka-tie, jum-pin' to the sky. The ta-bloids know who's preg-nant, who's di-vor-cing and why. The tab-loids know who's rom-pin' nude, When Bil-ly Bob has said some-thing that's real-ly rude; They know when Rus-sell Crowe has thrown a te-le-phone, And if Ni-cole Kid-man spent the night a-lone. We read the Star and the En-qui-rer, The Globe and Us; Yet, we don't get lo-cal se-crets, We're still cu-ri-ous. So get some pa-pa-raz-zi, spies and snoops, Yes, that's our bag, And give us a ta-bloid called The Wa-shing-ton Rag. In-qui-ring minds in Wa-shing-ton won-der why, Che-ney sleeps with a wo-man from A E I, What is Rum-my drin-king down at De-fense? And when will Ho-ward Dean start ma-king sense? If we had a ta-bloid, we'd know be-cause they'd leak it, Does No-vak wear silk from Vic-to-ri-a's Se-cret? Why San-dra Day quit, was she ha-ving a tryst, With a judge or a law-yer or a Fe-d'ra-list. We read the Star and the En-qui-rer, The Globe and Us; Yet, we don't get lo-cal se-crets, We're still cu-ri-ous. So get some pa-pa-raz-zi, spies and snoops, Yes, that's our bag, And give us a ta-bloid called The Wa-shing-ton Rag. With a ta-bloid we would know who Bush will next in-vade, And how much e-v'ry high muck-i-ty-muck is paid; The un-dis-closed lo-ca-tion where the V. P. hides out, Where Bar-b'ra and Jen-na had a drin-king bout. If we had a ta-bloid, we'd know e-v'ry name, If we had a ta-bloid, we'd be in the game, If we had a ta-bloid, we'd know who to blame. And our star spy re-por-ter would be Va-le-rie, Which Va-le-rie? THE Va-le-rie, Oh! Va-le-rie! Yes, Va-le-rie! Yes, The Wa-shing-ton Rag would fea-ture Va-le-rie Plame. |